


Availability of Loss

by happinesssdeceit (crescenttwins)



Series: Last Words Soulmate AU [2]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Drabble, M/M, Soulmarks, Soulmates, Tissue Warning, Tokyo Ghoul √A Finale Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-20
Updated: 2015-04-20
Packaged: 2018-03-24 21:56:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3785683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crescenttwins/pseuds/happinesssdeceit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What was supposed to be a description on why Hide's soulmark was located on his abdomen, and is instead became the precursor to /that/ scene in the root A finale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Availability of Loss

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Français available: [Availability of Loss](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3811750) by [Selyka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selyka/pseuds/Selyka)



> A response to the following Anon ask: "was Kaneki's soul mark on his shoulder because that's where hide grabbed him but then why was hides on his abdomen"
> 
> Title is from a quote by Brian Dennehy, "The availability of loss, some kind of pain, is an important part of who we are."
> 
> ANGST WARNING: Please take breaks between parts if you are experiencing any kind of distress; and let me know if there are trigger tags or warnings you would like to be added to any installment in this series.

Hide inhales shakily when his side is bumped, walking around the counter to look at Anteiku from the other side for the first time. Kaneki is still dazed, still standing in a fugue, lost in his thoughts and the world inside his head. He’s been this way since Hide started carrying him, unresponsive and dulled.  And these days, Kaneki is so intertwined with Anteiku that Hide thought it might be enough to draw him from his thoughts.  Well.

He supposes there’s always coffee, and then grimaces when he sees how high the cups are placed.  

A hiss of pain is bitten back when he reaches on the shelf for cup, blood dripping down onto the floor. _A code violation for sure,_ Hide thinks frivolously, smiles weakly. He places the cups down onto the counter, has to take a few breaths. 

This sucks.

This sucks, sucks,  _sucks_. Hide peers at his abdomen, stares darkly at the location of the wound. His soulmark is probably gone, he suspects. And if the ghoul had been aiming for it, if he was one who had that sort of twisted kink– well, the wound was startlingly well placed and– and Hide is going to die, unmarked.

He has to bite back a laugh, not wanting to startle Kaneki.

Because it’s only natural that Fate would want to take back her mark, with the amount of skirting around Hide’s been doing. He isn’t interested in finding some soulmate to connect to; he only wants to bring Kaneki back from the dark place he’s buried himself.  It was so much easier when it was simply books, Hide thinks, nostalgia bring wetness to his eyes. It was so much easier when Kaneki was slipped into the nightmares of other people, because they disappeared in the light of the morning sun. They were caves of worry and weakness that Hide could detach his friend from, easy as brushing off loose thread.  

 And he’s with Kaneki now, and even if Kaneki isn’t his soulmate; even if he’s doomed his soulmate to a life alone because he’s committed the taboo of caring more for someone else– Hide can’t find himself regretting it.

“Sorry,” he whispers, maybe to his soulmate, maybe to Kaneki. He can’t leave Kaneki like this.  Because Kaneki’s been his responsibility since the first time he locked eyes with the nervous boy at the front of class, broken down and edges sharp.

Hide takes a breath, reaches for the coffee beans. He just needs to last long enough to–

Just long enough to make sure Kaneki will be okay, without him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.


End file.
